Porky’s. Ski School. Meatballs. These are all movies you think were great when you were younger because you were too dumb to know better. No matter what anyone has told me, I’m yet to find empirical evidence that the humor or plot of these paper-thin scripts is worth revisiting. But they all have one thing in common: nudity. Though it’s less frequented now, terrible movies of yesteryear got attention and acclaim because one or more actresses agreed to take off their tops on camera. I’d like to say we’ve gotten better as a people, but Game of Thrones, Homeland and True Detective all found it vitally necessary to throw in breasts for reasons that escape logic. And, in Japan, the eroge market makes people nostalgic for things that simply did not age well. Enter Advanced V.G. Saturn Tribute from City Connection.

The second game in a baffling series, Advanced V.G. is based around a fighting tournament that happens every year to promote family restaurants around Japan. The combatants are all women who work part time at the restaurants when they aren’t fighting. If you win, you get ten billion yen and a house built anywhere on the planet. Pretty sweet deal, right? Oh, but if you lose, you have to be publicly humiliated by removing your clothes and having something sexual done, up to and including rape. Because there was just a period of time where people threw around the concept of sexual violence like it was a thing that was a normal threat or punishment.

Before we get any deeper into this appalling madness, let’s make something clear. City Connection has published this as part of their Saturn Tribute series, nodding to what they consider some of the greater, unknown titles of the Sega Saturn. The Saturn version of Advanced V.G. already had the nudity stripped out of the game, and only left in stills that vaguely implied what might be happening to the characters. It is still exceedingly creepy and weird, but it’s at least substantially less upsetting. Fans on Steam appear to be pissed, because what else does anyone have to do with their time but advocate for the preservation of sex crimes? So this fighting game, which is based entirely around a fetishistic penalty system, doesn’t have the full system in place. We clear? I hope so.

As a fighting game, Advanced V.G. has a pretty standard setup of normal, versus and story mode. City Connection has added English menus only for outside elements of the game, such as adding in scan lines, resolution and a helpful move guide for each of the characters. Everything within the game remains completely in Japanese, without any English voices or subtitles. The story mode, therefore, may be inscrutable for many Western players, as you don’t even have subtitles to make it work. Just know that the story focuses on fighter Yuka Takeuchi, who is an orphan that also likes to fight. She’s a constant throughout the series, is supposedly a winner at least once and her voice actress is the same for Felicia in Darkstalkers. Now you know!

The fighting elements are…incredibly mediocre. I know when this was built, and I wasn’t expecting incredible feats of parrying and timed blocks. But you’ve got your punches and kicks at three different strengths and then grappling in close quarters. Everyone has a projectile weapon that’s mapped very closely to Street Fighter II, and it’s two victories per match to be declared the winner. If you’re doing versus mode, there’s no images to humiliate the loser, but normal and story mode both feature them, so be aware if you’re trying to avoid those. Then again, why the heck did you even pick up this game unless you weren’t aware of what was coming?

When I say mediocre, I mean that Advanced V.G. was a game that could be beaten by me, using one character that I picked at random. The AI is paltry and relies on a lot of set movements and ideas, so cheesing anyone and everyone into knockout is very doable. You can just keep throwing fireballs or, for real enjoyment, pick Minami and use her Dhalsim-like extendable punch to keep chipping away at everyone without ever needing to engage. If I can beat a fighting game the same way I did when I was 11 on the SNES, then maybe it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Once you beat the game once, that’s it unless you’re very invested in the game’s storylines for the other characters. There’s nothing to unlock, no additional bonus modes that appear, and I don’t feel like this is a great game to throw down with anyone about. Not because the fighting is that bad: Battle Arena Toshiden has aged significantly worse in performance and I’d still give it a go. It’s because it just doesn’t feel fun. If you’ve got a bruiser character, you can end the whole thing with a couple of quick grapple slams. If you’re going ranged, you can just ping the other character until time runs out or they physically murder you in real life. It’s got this idea that’s really half baked and the result is banal and boring, two things a paid game should never be.

Which is a shame, because I can see glimpses of what would have made Advanced V.G. an excellent title. The character designs are definitely of their time, encapsulating the early 90s aesthetic that’s recently made a resurgence with Ranma ½ and Urusei Yatsura’s modern versions. The concept, minus the forced sexual humiliation, is interesting, especially given the prevalent nature of family restaurants in Japan. When the fight begins and ends, you have voice clips that showcase some fun personalities that don’t get a chance to shine in this limited game. Heck, I didn’t even hate the soundtrack, which was boppy and made each fight feel like an episode of a cartoon show instead of a grisly brawl.

But you can’t separate the byproduct from the intention, and Advanced V.G. is unabashed in why it exists, which drags the whole thing down. If it was excellent fighting or a complete overhaul of the storyline, that might give it some modern clemency. If it was a Saturn game that gets mentioned constantly with the bemoaning wistfulness that it never saw Western shores, I could get that. It doesn’t have to be a game for everyone, but it should be a game that makes sense and elevates the genre in some sense, either through innovation or inspiration. Here, there’s neither, just some risque photos that are the toned down results of Law & Order: Anime Victims Unit. I don’t want to recommend this to anyone, and that’s saying something.

Graphics: 7.0 Easily the best part of the game, character sprites are varied and colorful with a lot of personality. Fighting moves lack any sort of flair but it’s compensated by good backdrops and portaits. Artwork after a fight concludes is upsetting if you’re not ready for it.	Gameplay: 4.0 Fireball, fireball, jump, kick, kick, done. It’s very formulaic and doesn’t have room for growth in terms of strategy development against human components. AI is incompetent. Clayfighter had more pizazz.
Sound: 6.0 Upbeat, era sensitive music that’s rather energetic and arcade-y. Voice insertions are very short but well acted. The monologing during the story mode is well performed though overly dramatic at times. Would have liked a fully voiced version.	Fun Factor: 2.0 Either I lose and get violated, or my opponent loses and gets violated. This was a game, the second in the series, and then there were a bunch more. What. the. hell.
Final Verdict: 4.5

Advanced V.G. Saturn Tribute is available now on Steam and Nintendo Switch (Japan only).

Reviewed on PC.

A copy of Advanced V.G. Saturn Tribute was provided by the publisher.