In this day and age, the most asinine argument I’ve ever had the displeasure of overhearing is how women couldn’t be captivating protagonists. Believe it or not, there’s still a subset of folks that believe Samus Aran sucks. It’s best to avoid Cookie Cutter, too, because this title happens to star a badass female. Personally, I’m chuffed by this notion. From the very first trailer, everything I saw had me gleeful. All the colors are riveting and left me giddier than a schoolgirl. Even if the gameplay proves to be terrible, the hand-drawn art style guarantees that my eyesight was being pleased. My senses have been titillated, but the big question is if a satisfying experience was in my future.

Cookie Cutter has a presentation that elicits assumptions of crassness, and yeah, those thoughts couldn’t be more accurate. That’s what the literary work exemplifies. We’re throwing poop at the wall and seeing what ends up sticking, and the answer is a lot. The randomness of the many quips left me shocked. I was speechless, but it’s thanks to this lunacy that this game is as entertaining as it is.

Hell, my companion for this entire journey is a literal vagina. Oh, the weirdness doesn’t end there, but I refuse to spoil any of it. After all, the bulk of the intrigue lies in the discovery, but I will note the banter between this twosome doesn’t meet its potential. Honestly, that’s a criticism I can levy on the writing in general. I feel it could have embraced the craziness a tad bit more. Now, that doesn’t mean it’s horrible as it’s actually rather funny, but I want insanity. 

That statement relates to the NPCs, too, as the majority lack oomph. Cherry, the one that I control, is one of a couple of characters that are given flesh to their developing bones. She has a personality – a bad attitude and frequent contributor to the swear jar. The F words flowed freely like a water faucet, being said as regularly as your underwear gets changed.

Thankfully, it never falls into the trap of reading like an edgy teenager’s diary. The power of vulgarity is appropriately harnessed, being used as punctuation to highlight a sentiment. If anger is exhibited, I could discern the intensity in the scene, with a similar being said if sorrow is prominent. Understanding what Cherry was exactly feeling aided in heightening how I connected to her, but not too often.  

Long into my session, it was evident Cookie Cutter is solely motivated to nail the gritty atmosphere. Well, not only was that mission a success, but I also got another surprise in the form of a relationship with LGBTQ+ connotations. Essentially, we’re living a lesbian love story, and in lieu of the immaturity around it, the romance is handled with reverence and manages to be a touching tale.

By the end, I legitimately felt a small tug to my heartstrings, thanks to just how gosh darn adorable their infatuation is. It’s pure, and I love how that’s used as a vessel to amplify the hatred players will have towards the villain. It makes our eventual comeuppance feel like a euphoric release. Sadly, that’s the only instance I can say I felt something – the only instance I could deeply sympathize with Cherry.

During the 15+ hours I invested, I fell upon a couple of pop culture references, too. A few are standard fare, imitating famous scenes from the honored franchise, while others teased fellow indie creators. Cookie Cutter is a concoction of both, with the cheeky jab I found managing a hearty chuckle. Most importantly, the joke didn’t seem thrown in just for the sake of it – it had thought. Yeah, the subject matter is crude, but that’s pretty par for the course for this world. 

Speaking of, it’s worth reiterating that things get balls to the wall ludicrous. I also want to note that a character I meet has dialogue that contains a decent chunk of sexual harassment. The good news is it’s handled with humor, but the horniness is laid on thick. Still, I like how Cherry retorts to the catcalling in a sassy way, laying down a gauntlet of profanity. It’s an admirable effort to try muddling how sensitive it is.

The definition of the term “cookie cutter” is something that won’t innovate. It keeps inside the lane of the genre with no desire to shift from the formula. Given the namesake, it’s probably not surprising that Cookie Cutter fits the mold of what constitutes Metroidvania. I’m returning to old areas to get to previously inaccessible sections with abilities I’ve unlocked. As you can see, the loop remains a central piece of the puzzle. What makes it special here is how it leans into the DNA to bolster the addictiveness.

It’s a delight to beeline through the underground corridors, mercilessly beating every enemy that stands in my way. While my every movement will be swift, the parrying feature could use tweaking. The timing of it is too tough to recognize, even with a flashing blue light acting as a tell. It’s precise, to a fault, and my constant failure made it tedious. I eventually surrendered, getting to the point of outright ignoring the mechanic.

Fortunately, dodging isn’t only a suitable substitute, but it’s my preferred method. My reactionary flicks were faster. The ease with which I avoided incoming attacks was higher. It helped eliminate the monotony. I still attempted to wrap my head around parrying, but no matter what, I just couldn’t, and my fun factor instantly drained. I felt sheer misery until finally abandoning that tactic altogether. The second that I did, my gauge skyrocketed.

Suddenly, the birds sang, and the sun shone, but a gripe still exists. To roll to safety, I needed to flick the joystick forward. However, jumping away isn’t as intuitive, and maneuvering the stick in the opposite direction pushes me further ahead instead. To properly do it, I must tap the button and nothing else, but in the heat of battle, muscle memory sent me well into my death. Since I need to be quick, it’s not hard to screw up – one mix-up and I’m somersaulting to my demise, and I did regularly, more than I care to fess up to.

Let’s discuss pummeling my opposition because, without hyperbole, it’s God damn gratifying. The rapid pace of fists gliding through the air made encounters feel crisp. The lack of latency meant I never floundered. It’s a dream, and when I’m surrounded by three, four, or even seven creatures, my adrenaline revs into sixth gear.

Sure, if you boil it down, it becomes a cycle of perpetually pressing the same sequence of inputs. The thing is, the repetition never registers. I was far too busy beating the holy hell out of every single foe. If that means I was blissfully ignorant of it, then slap a sticker on my forehead. My only problem is that I wish there were additional combos to learn through progression for some variation. 

As a robot, Cherry earns her upgrades by outfitting herself with extra parts. Finding these isn’t much of an ordeal as usually they’re guarded by a mini-boss. Beating them rewards me with a nifty technique, such as the double jump. If difficulty is a concern, don’t worry. The old-school ideology of attack patterns holds. It’s challenging, but by learning their movements, that changes. That means that perishing shouldn’t be considered aggravating, but a tactical strategy.

Yeah, it’s weird to say out loud, but the trial-and-error nature of it improves how well you’ll fare, thus making sure you gain an advantage on a second go. The spike is easy to stomach, and with some perseverance, it’s easy to conquer. Checkpoints are well positioned, too, with respawns always being near the boss arena – I don’t have to jog long distances just to get back to it like my name’s Terry Fox. 

Now, level design is pretty crucial in Metroidvania, and Cookie Cutter is vast in that department. The space to explore is enormous, and I’m over the moon with that variety, but it’s a double-edged sword. Because I must traverse a large distance between Points A and B, it does irk me. There’s a Fast Travel feature, but because the stations are so far apart, it’s redundant. Due to how limited they are compared to the size of a whole zone, it might as well not exist. 

What confuses me is that this isn’t the case across the board. For every sparse location, there’s another with an abundance. The good news is that a quick, small patch can adjust my nitpick. If nothing comes, however, then thanks to the joy of hand-to-hand combat, it’s a minor annoyance at worst.

Where the immense misstep saunters in is the absence of a mini-map. From an accessibility angle, it’s not ideal. I was pausing incessantly, trying to figure out my best route, but in doing so, I broke my momentum. It’s not friendly to my goldfish memory, and I routinely forgot where I was going. It got so bad that I had to resort to snapping a photo with my phone. I had no other choice. Going in blind meant running in circles and missing the turn to get me to wherever I was headed.

On the plus side, it isn’t all doom and gloom. If I were to get lost, I could murder indiscriminately as I search for materials that are used to beef up the weapons Cherry later wields, boosting lethality. Have I mentioned how grand it feels to rip my adversaries to tiny pieces because it’s orgasmic – the action is glorious, activating my dopamine receptors as I happily tear ass.

I’ve made my opinion on the visuals known, and I can now comfortably say that not only was the fellatio life-altering, but the gameplay is impeccable. The sprites have this cartoony vibe, reminding me of the mature anime that used to air late at night in the 90s. Every bit of mobility is fluid, and I never noticed any stutter. I was on both the Portal and my TV, and if I’m frank, there was really no discernible difference in resolution.

Perhaps that’s thanks to the 2D imagery not being as extensive as the polygonal 3D. I’m also not an expert in pinpointing frames, but due to how silky it felt, I’m confident in stating it was hitting a firm 60fps. Whatever the truth, I know it retains that beautiful peanut butter smoothness.

Even with the brute strength of the PS5, I did see some performance faux pas. Now, relax because what I said above is a fact. What little exists is negligible. That said, whenever I paused or went into my inventory, the game, for whatever reason, thought I activated an ability. It doesn’t cost magic points, or Void, as Cookie Cutter calls it, and it doesn’t interrupt anything, but it’s a glitch, so.

The second is when I select a dialogue option, whether for fast travel or when talking to NPCs. Toggling up or down on the joystick will, at times, register as having been done twice in a row. Like the mistaken skill activation, it has zero effect on the game. As you can probably tell, I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel for issues, which shows how tight this package truly is. I’m impressed – it deserves kudos.

The sound portion of Cookie Cutter is a conundrum that took some gnawing. See, certain elements have this habit of spontaneously cutting off. For example, and I’m not delusional, but the voice acting just vanished. I even had to restart another save file because I began second-guessing if I had imagined it. I could’ve sworn it existed, but the doubts were lingering.

After sleuthing for answers, it seems I’m not helpless. It was included, but it’s only a teaser meant to entice players to what could be if sales are good. I’ll be blunt: what I heard was okay, but holding it hostage for better numbers is gross. If there’s zero budget for it, then don’t put it in at all. Allow your project to stand on its own feet without this dangling carrot.

Cookie Cutter is a spectacular romp, and I had a blast in my 15+ hours. It’s not reinventing the wheel or changing the definition of a Metroidvania, but it is nailing the term with gusto. The hiccups I did notice, like lack of mini-map, are easily rectified. The foundation is sturdy and makes for a session in which I have no regrets about participating. I’m worried that with the title it has, it won’t attract the audience it deserves. I foresee it becoming a hidden gem, and that’s a bloody tragedy. I 100% think this game is worth experiencing, especially for fans of the genre. You won’t be disappointed, and as an adult, the duration is a dream. I can handily recommend you buy it, even at full price.

Graphics: 9.0 I’m a huge fan of the hand drawn appearance. I also like that it feels oddly nostalgic, what with it reminding me of the 90s. The portraits are great, and the only ding against the quality is maybe enemies could have slightly more variety.	Gameplay: 9.0 Everything is responsive. While Cookie Cutter doesn’t try reinventing the wheel, it doesn’t need to. It perfectly slots itself in as a great Metroidvania.
Sound: 7.5 I like the ambiance and the music is has going on, but I can’t ignore the fact that voice acting is being held as an incentive for sales. Gamers hate that practice and it would be a shame if it causes folks to ignore this title.	Fun Factor: 9.0 My only qualm is the Fast Travel System. It’s the only time I was actively annoyed. Even then, I liked collecting materials to bolster my arsenal. The actual fighting is fast and fluent, translating to a hell of a good time.
Final Verdict: 9.0

Cookie Cutter is available now on Xbox Series X/S, PC, and PlayStation 5.

Reviewed on PlayStation 5.

A copy of Cookie Cutter was provided by the publisher.