Paper Mario is one of Nintendo’s most egregiously mishandled franchises, alongside F-Zero and Star Fox. The difference between it and the other two is that, at the very least, Paper Mario games are constantly being made; it’s just not the games the fans constantly ask for. Nintendo and Intelligent Systems had masterfully crafted two of the best JRPGs of all time in the original Paper Mario (a true 10/10 in my books) and Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door for the Gamecube, but after those, it was just a bunch of experimental titles for the sake of it. Sticker Star and Color Splash were gimmicky and convoluted. Super Paper Mario was fine, but it was a shocking deviation from a perfect formula. And Origami King was, once again, gimmicky for the sake of it.

Paper Mario has never been a franchise about gimmicks. We love them because they were funny and accessible JRPGs with a boatload of charm. It took Nintendo literally twenty years to realize that what people really wanted after Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door was yet another JRPG sequel akin to the first couple of games in the franchise. So they decided to re-release Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door on the Switch. I mean, it’s not exactly what were hoping for, but hey, it’s a step in the right direction.

I will never get over the fact there is a god damn NOOSE in the middle of this Rated-E town.

First of all, I don’t even know how to properly label this version of The Thousand-Year Door. Is it a remaster? A remake? It feels stupidly similar to the original in every conceivable way, but it’s also superior in terms of visuals, gameplay, and a handful of (very minute) quality of life enhancements. There aren’t many new quests or enemies; with the exception of a secret endgame (and totally optional) fight, the amount of content present in here is also featured in the Gamecube original. In a way, I get it. Nintendo wanted to re-release it, but didn’t want to market it like they did with the underwhelming Switch versions of Pikmin 1 and 2. And honestly, there isn’t a lot that needs to be remade in The Thousand-Year Door. It isn’t broken, so why fix it?

They added some neat lighting effects (for a Switch game, that is), and made everything slightly more papercraft-like.

So you’re not getting any changes to the story. With the exception of Nintendo finally not wanting to hide the fact one of your partners, Vivian, is transgender, the plot, characters, and most dialogue sections have remained untouched. Again, if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it. The gameplay, as expected, is also the same, and that’s a great thing. Turn-based combat, with badges, button prompts, and no gimmicks or stickers to worry about. It’s the same stupidly accessible but wildly addictive combat system which made me fall in love with this franchise way back in 2001. I am really glad barely anything has changed in this regard.

Oh how I missed this PERFECT combat system.

The only meaningful changes/improvements I was able to notice were part of the game’s presentation. I feel like this was a Wind Waker HD situation: how can you improve upon something that looked good back then and still looks amazing to this day? Thankfully, Nintendo didn’t simply turn up the lighting and add some excessive bloom effects like in Wind Waker. They sort of revamped the animations and overall character model quality, making everything look a bit more “papercraft-like” than before, but that’s basically it. Oh, they also made sure to remove that one animation which almost made Mario look like he was doing a fascist salute. It was hilarious back then, but I get why they had to get rid of that.

I did notice, however, that the game runs at 30fps instead of the 60 frames per second seen in the Gamecube original. In pretty much any other occasion, I would have complained. But let’s be realistic. It’s Paper Mario. It’s a cartoonish JRPG featuring papercraft characters. I don’t care about the change. This brand new version looks great, and runs at a rock-solid 30fps, to the point you won’t ever notice or care about the damn framerate to begin with.

Rawk Hawk: if Hulk Hogan was a chicken.

The most noticeable changes were seen (well, heard) in the sound department. Nintendo and Intelligent Systems pretty much rearranged every single tune in the game, with a big emphasis on making them sound harder, almost hard rock-like. This is not something I usually associate with Paper Mario (or Mario in general), but I did like them. My favorite song in the entire game was the brand new rearrangement of the fight against Rawk Hawk in Glitzville. It almost sounded like a trash metal banger at times. That being said, I 100% understand if people think these rearrangements are a bit too much. Luckily for them, there is a brand new badge (the only new badge in the game, mind you) that reverts the soundtrack back to how it sounded in the Gamecube original.

Another thing I really liked from this brand new version was the inclusion of very minute, but adorable voice clips given to each character in the game. It’s almost Banjo-like. I particularly liked how Bob-Ombs and Thwomps used the same voice clips from Super Mario 64, tingling that specific bit on my brain reserved to nostalgic Nintendo 64 moments. In no moment did I feel annoyed with this inclusion, even if it sounds annoying on paper.

Okay, and cola. With a lime wedge.

Were there any issues in this game, after all? Well, to be fair, the few things I don’t like about this version of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door are shared with the original. I love that game, but I do feel like it’s slightly inferior to the original Paper Mario for the Nintendo 64. That 2001 banger was lightning in a bottle. A perfect 10. Every single chapter, character, boss battle, sidequest, there were no issues whatsoever. I don’t feel the same about some of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door’s chapters.

Bowser is an absolute loser in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, and I love it.

I love Glitzville, for instance, but I can’t help but feel like part of it is due to the fact it’s literally a WWE-themed chapter in a JRPG. I don’t do any exploration, there’s very little to explore. There are few, if any, optional areas, with the Pit of 100 Trials being the sole exception. There aren’t memorable optional bosses like Paper Mario‘s Kent C. Koopa or the Dojo Master. I also feel like some chapters are a little bit shorter. Given how this version of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door features minute but noticeable quality of life improvements, they felt even shorter as a result. But that’s me just looking for needles in a haystack. When compared to subsequent games in the franchise, Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door is still pristine. The less I remember about Sticker Star, the better. Ugh.

You and me both, brother crow.

I may have one or two complaints about the $60 pricetag, but at the end of the day, this is the ultimate version of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door. A magnificent gem half a dozen people played back on the Gamecube is now widely available on a more successful machine, with a handful of audiovisual improvements, whilst keeping that pristine combat system and gameplay loop intact. Whilst I wish there were more additions to this pricey remake/remaster (hell if I know how to label it), it’s exactly what I wanted. This is what Paper Mario should have always been. Take notes, Nintendo. More of this. Forever. Please.

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door is available now on Switch (remake/remastered/whatever the hell this is) and Gamecube (original version).

Reviewed on Switch.