In the Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit books, the Hobbits are described as valuing a quiet life of farming, eating, and smoking, with little interest in the outside world. They are, by their own choice, insular and simple. Tolkien intended to make their lives as uneventful as possible, in order to make Bilbo and Frodo’s journeys feel even more exciting when viewing them through their eyes. But we’re not talking about Hobbits going on fun adventures today. Nope, we’re going to analyze a game that focuses on Hobbits that don’t want to partake in exciting adventures. Tales of the Shire: A The Lord of the Rings Game focuses on their boring, mundane farming lives instead, and it’s as (non) riveting as it sounds.

It barely looks any better than the original Switch version. It doesn’t run at an impressive framerate, either.

As you may be aware by now, given how it was first released last year, Tales of the Shire is a slice-of-life simulator where you play as your own original Hobbit, in his new life as a member of the village of Bywater. His daily routine is your typical life simulator schtick: wake up, water the plants, harvest crops, fish, talk to locals, decorate your house, meander, and partake in the occasional social gathering. This last one follows the Hobbit tradition to a tee: since all they can think of is food, gatherings happen when you (and only you) invite them over for a meal. Increasing your Fellowship (friendship) stats with your neighbors is Tales of the Shire‘s main objective.

There’s nothing about this gameplay loop that you haven’t seen many times before in other simulators, and that’s not exactly a bad thing. It’s the execution that really matters, and in the case of Tales of the Shire, I wouldn’t call it very good. Most NPC interactions occur in the shape of fetch quests: go talk to a rude Hobbit, who asks you to gather an item from another rude Hobbit, but this second Hobbit has just remembered that they had lent the item to a third Hobbit, so you gotta walk to the other side of the village in order to get it. It’s a boring sequence of uneventful fetch quests, and those are easily the most exciting bits this game has to offer.

This is the creepiest Gandalf I have ever seen. Stay away from me.

There are many mechanics, such as a fishing minigame, a cooking minigame, and planting mechanics, but they are all skin-deep and simplistic. Not a single mechanic in Tales of the Shire feels more than merely superficial. “But hey, the main appeal is that you’re playing in an authentic Middle Earth setting”, you might say. You might even try to feel hyped by the fact that the game was developed by Weta Workshop, the actual special effects studio behind the magnificent Peter Jackson movies. Yep, they actually set up a gaming studio, with Tales of the Shire being their first outing. But if there’s one thing that disappointed me more than anything else about this game, that thing is its presentation.

That’s it, I’m just going to fish constantly and open my own sushi restaurant.

I actually had to double-check if I had actually downloaded the brand new Switch 2 build of the game or not. This is just not good looking at all. I’d compare its visuals to the video game adaptation of The Hobbit, released during the Gamecube era more than twenty years ago, but that would be a disservice to that surprisingly underrated action adventure. Tales of the Shire just looks underwhelming, with no shadows or lighting effects, simplistic character animations, and poor framerate to boot. This is why I had to check if I was actually playing the Switch build: it runs like your average, unoptimized third-party Switch outing. Finally, the sound department isn’t special at all, but considering how everything else about the game is underwhelming, boring or bad, being mediocre makes it stand out as a highlight.

The rudest Hobbits in all of Middle Earth live in Bywater.

Tales of the Shire is too boring of a game, too boring of a slice-of-life simulator, and its weak usage of Tolkien’s license makes it feel even more disappointing. Sadly, I don’t think its premise would have worked that well right from the getgo, but even the mundane life of a Hobbit should have felt less boring than this. And less visually underwhelming. But if there’s any solace to this game at the end of the day… well, at least you’re not as bad as Gollum. But at the same time, that one was so disastrous, it is still more notable in this day and age. Tales of the Shire can’t even stand out as a bad game. Make of that what you will.

Tales of the Shire: A The Lord of the Rings Game is available now on PS5, Xbox Series S/X, PC, Switch and Switch 2.

Reviewed on Switch 2.

A copy of Tales of the Shire: A The Lord of the Rings Game was provided by the publisher.