Aight, so check this out. This one time, me and Lunchbox here, we says to that Smith bastard, “Hey, why don’t we have our own game?” And he says to us “You got one already, remember Mall Brawl?” And I said “That dated 8-bit sh**? That’s great for retirement home dorks, but we need something new!” So Smith tells us “We’re gonna put out one with Fig,” and then this jaggoff explains crowdfunding to me. It takes him so goddamn long that the website closes and now everyone’s comparing us to that Duke Nukem loser. So now, me and this fat flock are so bored we wander off, and, then when we come back, the game’s out and he forgot to tell us! He somehow recorded my amazing voice when I was sleeping or something creepy, but the whole thing hit me like a goddamn Chronic Blunt Punch.

MY JUNGLE LOVE…OH WEEE OH WEEE OH!

If you’ve forgotten about Jay and Silent Bob: Chronic Blunt Punch, I don’t blame you. A crowdfunded game that launched about ten years ago, this IP from View Askew that languished in development hell has had long periods of radio silence, an NES hype vehicle to keep players patient, and, inexplicably, an appearance in Call of Duty: Black Ops 6. Jay and Silent Bob, for those unaware, are the hapless and iconic side characters of Kevin Smith’s movies who have ended up in several of their own films, one of which just happens to be the best film of 2001. The tale of these two characters is really intriguing, particularly if you’ve followed the throughline since the original Clerks was released over thirty years ago. If that sentence made you feel like you’ve been punched in the stomach, this article serves as a reminder to get your prostate checked regularly.

Interabang Entertainment is 100% basing the hopes and ambitions of Jay and Silent Bob: Chronic Blunt Punch on fans my age or slightly older being into the game and convincing their teenage and adult children (ow, my joints) to hop on board and be a part of the lore. Jay and Silent Bob, as semi-nomadic drug dealers/antiheroes, have made us laugh and entertained us through incredible misadventures that range from mundane problems with Magic Eye puzzles to the End of Days, Russian spies and the emotional rollercoaster that was Clerks III. Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith’s real life friendship has been showcased throughout the years as they come together, fall apart and reunite for a series of parallels to their own real-life struggles. Okay, not really, but the two are incredible friends and the movies/cartoons/games remind me of that.

It’s not Shakespeare… that’s for certain.

Chronic Blunt Punch is a nonsensical, sidescrolling beat-em-up with very little in terms of plot as far as anyone can tell. The initial setup to rescue Randal from bizarre beings that have kidnapped him, and you do that at the end of the first stage. After that, it’s just a forward movement of fighting more things between you and the end of the game, which, naturally, takes place at the mall. Not to talk down to the game in any form, but this Jay and Silent Bob vessel takes you exactly where you think it would. Quick Stop, the Mall, the food court. Heck, the biggest surprise is that we take a bit of time in Jersey Park. There’s also this off-the-wall church that we stop into, but that somehow felt right, especially as it was ultimately a setup to beat up choir children.

As a beat-em-up, you’ve got to get used to three ideas very quickly if you want to get anywhere in the game. First, every character is going to be a wild, extreme caricature of some kind. You’ve got old men wearing only robes and underwear. You’ve got kids addicted to their phones and running full tilt. You’ve got hipster dads who actually fight with their wearable babies. Every conceivable degree of potentially offensive entity is here, and that doesn’t change throughout the game. If you’ve become comfortable with the degree of shocking immaturity that sometimes comes through with Jay and Silent Bob, you’re in good company and the game will not disappoint. If you’re less familiar with the oeuvre and only played Mall Brawl before this, it might be a bit of a surprise to see dookie demons alongside demonic hockey hooligans. Just be forewarned.

And the character names are amazing, you love to see it.

Secondly, Chronic Blunt Punch is a Jay and Silent Bob vehicle first, and a game second. This means that, visually, the entire experience is engaging, well animated and really geared towards entertaining and delighting the audience. There is a massive amount of care that went into different reactions, facial expressions and bespoke moments for all characters involved.

You’ve got Jay attacking with a giant bong and transforming into Wolverine and his own version of Megaman X. You’ve got assists from Randall summoning a donkey show or Cock Blocker, Mark Hamill’s most iconic role. You’ve got giant bong attacks and munchies to pick up to replenish health. And you’ve got Jason Mewes constantly, unapologetically screaming expletives at every opportunity, since Silent Bob, obviously, cannot. Even unvoiced characters make quips and lines that feel straight out of the world of View Askew.

Third, players also need to understand that this particular game is very difficult to handle. As a result of all of the interesting characters, hitboxes are all over the place. Chronic Blunt Punch also has a lot of range in terms of character placement, which is both interesting for exploring the stage and frustrating trying to nail a character in a particular spot. You’d imagine that the smaller hockey hooligans would have a totally different field of movement and attack as the obese mall security, but things never feel like they make sense in terms of where the strike zone should be. The result is you don’t always get the combos going that you’d ideally like, and, moreover, when you falter the game really punishes you.

Jay is just about to transform, but the screenshot is…unfortunately timed.

And what’s further bizarre is how much the game punishes you. A brawler of this level of intensity should already be a four player game, but I understand and support why it’s only two. But that doesn’t excuse away the degree of AI aggression that can leave you pinned down. If you get stunned, the AI doesn’t relent. If you get knocked down, they will wait, almost on top of you, to strike as soon as you get back up. There are hazards in the game (specifically the god forsaken spring ducks) that will wreck you because their hitboxes and the enemy’s boxes are overlapping BUT incongruent, so you’ll strike the hazard, often hitting yourself in the process, and then tee up the CPU to beat the ever loving nooch out of you. I got stuck in the park for far, far too long before I was able to rally.

At the core, there’s a balancing issue of Chronic Blunt Punch that keeps it from achieving greatness. The pacing is all over the place and it leaves a player feeling uncertain and, at times, stuck in a cycle of unfun situations. Either you’re facing off of a pack of enemies that is relentless or it’s simply too easy. When you get in line at the mall and need to fight through packs of children, the concept is funny: Jay and Silent Bob beat up a bunch of smartphone teens to cut in line. But the execution of needing to mash and trigger special abilities to move forward faster becomes so tedious you long for some form of variety. The bosses, thankfully, are at least different enough to be memorable, but the combat in between (which makes up 85% of the game) is a challenging, repetitive slog.

But these boss battles are genuinely so fun it almost makes you forget the trek there. Almost.

At the end of it all, there isn’t a lot of replay value to Jay and Silent Bob: Chronic Blunt Punch. I didn’t expect them to change gears and make an epic RPG, but players have been waiting for ten very long years for this game to arrive. Now that it’s finally here, it looks fantastic and that’s it. It handles pretty poorly and can be wildly frustrating. There’s assists to unlock for different combat responses, and some conceptual artwork that can be viewed, and maybe that’s enough for some. The soundtrack is a fun, poppy video game score, so that’s on brand at least. This just wasn’t a fun title, no matter how much I like the source material. It kills me to say it, but you’d be better off enjoying Mall Brawl. It’s shorter, but it executes so much better in terms of scope and identity. I hope Mewes and Smith had fun voicing it, because I didn’t have much fun playing it.

Jay and Silent Bob: Chronic Blunt Punch is available now on PS4, PS5, Xbox One, Xbox Series S/X, PC, Switch and Switch 2.

Reviewed on Nintendo Switch 2.

A copy of Jay and Silent Bob: Chronic Blunt Punch was provided by the publisher.