The Fast and the Furious. Money Plane. Sharknado. VelociPastor. And, yes, Hot Spring Shark Attack. What do all of these movies have in common? Utter, unapologetic embracing of madness. These films (at least later Fast and Furious titles) don’t hesitate for a second to be off-the-wall and wholly committed. The difference between movies like this and Kung-Pow or Birdemic 2 is that the ridiculous nature isn’t meant as a punchline: we’re entirely serious about a superstorm that sucks up sharks or a priest who transforms into a dinosaur. We love it because the investment is genuine, and the result is legendary. And now I can add a game to my growing list of unbelievable experiences that may not be for everyone, but are definitely for me. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I present Kinki Spiritual Affairs Bureau.

To be perfectly honest, I almost bounced off this game because I didn’t know what it was. When you start Kinki Spiritual Affairs Bureau, you’re a young woman in a Japanese school uniform, standing in a phone booth at night. It’s so well trodden you expect the game to lead to Rome. Then you go into a couple of houses and get jump scared, and I was immediately pissed. Great, another cheap looking, bullshit “horror” game that’ll get some streamers to scream, they’ll get clicks, and I’ll be done with the whole, empty affair in three hours flat. When I got into one house and actually had to physically struggle with the Ring inspired ghoul inside, it was mildly interesting, but not of consequence. How will this game actually get its hooks into me?

And then my character pulled out an assault rifle.

Ladies and gentlemen, here we go.

Turns out you play Shiraishi Mizuki, field agent of the titular government agency dedicated to addressing and stomping out unruly spirits across Japan. From traditional yuurei to the more iconic Toilet Hanako, Shiraishi is helming an investigation into why Saiga village has become a hotbed of ghostly activity and where all the inhabitants have gone. She’s got her handler in her ear, chewing her out for drawing a firearm ahead of time. She’s got pissed off spirits who handle firearms the same way she does, potentially even more skillfully. There are shrine maidens with body armor, a twist of power corruption and disgraceful annexation, and the matter of a prized bottle of sake that Shiraishi wants to pick up. Oh, and the school uniform? Shiraishi knows ghosts are most likely to target high schoolers who are alone. Plus, it’s a flex she still fits into it.

Kinki Spiritual Affairs Bureau is, bar none, one of the most unapologetically bonkers concepts in terms of gameplay and framing. You have objectives every single stage in this 3rd-person shooter/stealth shooter that get accomplished by walking and shooting. You’ll have plenty of ghosts to handle at every stage, with many of them carrying firearms and down to blow you to Kingdom Come. Your health is a gradually encroaching field of red that, once everything is crimson, signals your death. However, if you can evade bullets, explosions, and reigning blows long enough, you can simply walk off multiple bullet wounds in record time. Weapons include assault rifles, sniper rifles, shotguns and handguns, plus other random weaponry like spiked baseball bats and grave markers. It never gets as creative as Dead Rising, but there are some inspired moments of armament.

A fistfight with the spirit of a young girl haunting the toilets, basically a regular Tuesday.

Players who come into Kinki Spiritual Affairs Bureau must, for the love of all that is holy, trim their expectations. This game is pure, uncut jank, and I think that it’s both more entertaining and more endearing as a result. The movements and tracking of the NPCs and the player herself are off kilter, constantly running into walls, stopping at errant spots, or just clipping through certain sections of wall. I got lost at the very beginning because the camera spun and I was looking outside the house, trying to figure out how to move myself inside without being able to see at all. My hair, my legs, every part of Shiraishi seems to move based on a set pattern that doesn’t make sense to anyone else. Trying to run, crouch, crawl, or jump are all akin to someone describing movement to a blind computer that also has no limbs.

Plus, the actual pacing of the game is unbalanced at best, completely arbitrary at worst. You’ll go from “these ghost mobs know they have to kill you, but really don’t have good spacial awareness” to “these dead eyed assassins can spot you from several maps away.” I made a point to put myself on the very edge of a game map at one point, determined to pick off enemies with my sniper rifle and patience, and then a truck full of armed spirits appeared behind me where there wasn’t a road or a map. It boggled my mind that these same entities that could notice me moving over a kilometer away in pitch blackness couldn’t see me when I was in low brush down at their feet. Trying to invade the town hall took longer than the entire game before or after, all because the AI was untethered.

But ya’ll are ghosts! Does that cream do anything??

Additionally, if you cut out the expositional sidetalk and long, awkwardly pausing “cutscenes” that depict flashbacks, agenda explanation and, frankly, unnecessary banter between people, the whole game could be done in under two hours, possibly an hour and change. Most of the time, I sat down to read, not to shoot, and that could be a major turnoff for someone trying to get into a game. Kinki Spiritual Affairs Bureau is almost equal parts walking/talking simulator and tactical combat even though, gameplay wise, it’s 85% shooting and sneaking. This is getting into Metal Gear Solid levels of the player kicking back and having everything spoken at them, but significantly less cinematic and quality because this game doesn’t come with a massive budget. Just a dream, some grit and a sense of humor that’s so outlandish it practically exists on another planet.

But that’s what I so loved about this game. My expectations were decimated within seconds, and Kinki Spiritual Affairs Bureau never let me relax or anticipate what happened next. Giant spirits with crushing feet. A gatling gun behind a steel plate while beasties ran into your meat grinder. The unexpected drops of profanity and cigarette smoking while still dressed as a high schooler. The utter, unapologetic, destructively crazy way the game explains everything and justifies marrying classic Japanese mysticism with heavy artillery, actual urban legends come to life, and nonsense conclusions and solutions to problems that you never would have seen coming. It embodies a degree of Japanese humor that I can’t help but adore. Characters who don’t even know why they’re in the game, much less why they exist on camera. Nods to ideas about government bootlickers and interchangeable shrine maidens. It’s so on point and unapologetic.

YOU’RE THIRTEEN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???

As a port for the Nintendo Switch 2, there is a matter of performance struggle, and that could affect the overall gameplay and might actually make this title appear jankier than it appears on, say, a PC or PlayStation 5. Hell, I wonder why they couldn’t clean this up even better for the new powerhouse of the big N. But it does drive up the wonder of having something so unique and deadpan also be portable and carried around for players to take a look at wherever they are. While I would have loved for there to be cleaner graphics and faster reload times between deaths, the port is certainly capable and delivers the most important aspects to players regardless. Namely, something that operates on the correct wavelength to be impossibly funny without trying hard to be funny.

Kinki Spiritual Affairs Bureau is a message of unadulterated love and carnage. It’s unflinching in its deliberate obtuse nature, and it has all the grace of a two legged horse typing out the Unibomber’s Manifesto. It’s got the best representation of a government official since Bad Lieutenant and somehow more crass. The heavy metal soundtrack couldn’t feel more awkward if it asked you to prom during your grandmother’s funeral, but holy hell do you respect the boldness. If the characters spoke, I would expect at least one voice to be Maria Bamford. You both support and feel sorry for Shiraishi, and she will ruin your sympathy with her next breath. It’s art, and it’s comedy, and it’s how I hope my family will deal with my vengeful spirit after my passing.

Kinki Spiritual Affairs Bureau is available now on Steam, PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X|S and Nintendo Switch 2.

Reviewed on Nintendo Switch 2.

A copy of Kinki Spiritual Affairs Bureau was provided by the publisher.