I love scouring through the Japanese eShop every now and then just to see what kind of nonsense is being sold there. Stuff that, given how crazy and un-Western it is, will never be sold around these shores. Gekisou! Benza Race: Toilet Shooting Star, a game about people racing in floating toilets, was one such example. It was a barrage of Japanese text plastered on top of what looked like the most archaic and poorly crafted racing experience this side of the now infamous Vroom in the Night Sky. Yet, somehow, the game would eventually be released on the American eShop, without any localization whatsoever. A pointless game plastered in walls of Japanese text is available for a ludicrous thirteen dollars on the eShop, for us to “enjoy”. Maybe the developers thought that racing toilets alone would be enough to make Westerners purchase it in droves?

What we got was exactly what I was equally hoping and fearing. Gekisou! Benza Race: Toilet Shooting Star is pinnacle kusoge (a Japanese term which literally means “s**t game”), but without any of the charm. This game is a complete disgraceful mess of an experience, where nothing makes sense, rules don’t apply, and screw you if you try to complain.

Right upon booting the game up, you know you’re in for a treat. The first screen that shows up after the developer’s logo was supposed to be a cinematic, but it freezes every single time. You’re quickly thrown into the title screen… which is all in Japanese. Press a button, and you’re thrown into the main menu… which is also all in Japanese. Walls and walls of unreadable text, with buttons not working, and no way to choose another mode. If Gekisou! Benza Race: Toilet Shooting Star was a Japanese eShop exclusive, I wouldn’t be complaining. In fact, I wouldn’t even be reviewing. But here’s the deal, if you are releasing the damn thing in a Western market, translate it to English, at the very least. As a result, the user interface in this game is just downright atrocious.

So I tried pressing buttons until I was able to reach a race. Somehow, I was able to. Alright, let’s finally see what racing with toilets was all about. I was greeted by terrible visuals, an inconsistent framerate, unresponsive controls, nonexistent physics, and even more Japanese text splattered across the screen. It felt more eye-straining than a bunch of neon signs in Akihabara. I will say that being able to throw explosive toilet paper at other racers was funny for a millisecond or two, and possibly the only reason the fun factor but in this review did not receive the absolute minimum score possible.

But even then, I was unable to actually finish a race. I would constantly be thrown towards the stratosphere, out of nowhere, for some god damn reason I am not aware of, because, once again, the entire game is in Japanese. I would be winning the race, without a sweat, but I’d be then receive an instant game over screen, with my toilet floating in outer space, and be sent back to the title screen. What the hell was that all about? I retried playing that same level at least four times, to identical results. If Gekisou! Benza Race: Toilet Shooting Star doesn’t want me to play it, then why would I bother? I wasn’t exactly having fun with it anyway.

Gekisou! Benza Race: Toilet Shooting Star is a truly baffling waste of time I would have clearly ignored if it was kept as a Japanese eShop exclusive, as it should have been. It wasn’t the case, however, as some mad mind decided to release it in the West with absolutely no translation or localization efforts. What we ended up getting as a result was a near criminal waste of thirteen dollars, where you can’t have fun with its premise, nor can you understand what the hell is happening onscreen. Fittingly enough, a game about toilets deserves to be thrown into one.

 

Graphics: 2.5 Bad, nonsensical visuals, a really inconsistent framerate, and a ton of Japanese text plastered onscreen, for there is no English support, despite being available on Western digital storefronts.	Gameplay: 1.5 This might have one of the worst interfaces ever put into a game, considering the confusing walls of text. When you get to play the game in racing mode, it’s not much better, either.
Sound: 3.0 There is music in the game. That’s the best thing I can say about it, for I can’t remember a single note which was played during my time enduring its existence.	Fun Factor: 1.0 Understanding what the game is all about is not worth the thirteen dollars they are charging it. It’s poorly made, it’s confusing, it’s not in English, and it’s not funny.
Final Verdict: 1.5

Gekisou! Benza Race: Toilet Shooting Star is available now on PC and Nintendo Switch.

Reviewed on Nintendo Switch.