We’re back at it with yet another Hyperdimension Neptunia spinoff, and guess what, this is not going to be that one time when a broken clock was displaying the right time for once (as in, the one time they dropped an actually great Neptunia-themed Space Harrier clone). We’re back to yet another attempt at diversifying the shallow-as-a-puddle franchise into new genres with Neptunia Riders Vs. Dogoos, a motorcycle-based puzzle waste of time that’s just a tad bit better than Vroom in the Night Sky.

Girl, same.

In this particularly riveting episode, we see protagonist Uzume trapped in a dimension where she was brainwashed into mindlessly loving Dogoos, which are the franchise’s equivalent to Dragon Quest‘s Slimes – as in, the weak, useless, yet charming enemies which also act like franchise mascots. She snaps out of it, but has to save her friends from the same fate. Her method of doing so? Oh, simple: by riding a motorcycle and collecting tons of Dogoos on each stage, whilst avoiding attacks by other riders trying to do the same. I never understood the point behind the premise, and I doubt there actually is one – it’s an excuse for a game to exist, that’s it.

I can’t say I enjoyed the gameplay loop that much. I should have loved the damn thing, as it clearly tries to go for a Katamari-esque, “collect everything you see” vibe, but the controls are stiff, the level design is nonexistent, and the difficulty never feels like it’s increasing. It’s a constant barrage of utterly boring collectathons which last for two minutes at most, since collecting Dogoos is quite easy. Even if a level introduces a small hurdle before you’re able to collect said macguffins, they are just that: small. I guess there is some appeal to upgrading your bike in between levels, but considering I never felt like the game was requiring me to do anything to my bike in order to keep up with its difficulty, I couldn’t be bothered to do so.

I had to see this buff, shirtless Dogoo, so you have to as well.

I guess I could say that the presentation is a lot better than the gameplay, even if the bar is just this low. When it comes to visuals, Neptunia Riders Vs. Dogoos looks like an anime game which would have been released on the PSP in, like, 2010, at the very best. It runs well, sure, but it’s a very uninspiring-looking game. We’ve seen much better low-budgeted anime games on the PS5, PS4, and even PS3 before. I guess I could commend the cutscenes for being just a tad bit better, and the voice acting is actually quite cute. Sure, it’s cheesy, but it isn’t bad at all. In fact, I’d go as far as to call it “charming”. The soundtrack is just passable, but compared to the rest of the game, it’s almost like you’re attending a Mozart concert.

Drive around and collect these things. Riveting as heck.

I still fail to understand the idea behind dropping these terrible Neptunia spinoffs every six months or so. Is this Idea Factory’s plan to keep the franchise under the spotlight at all times? Because I don’t think we are constantly being reminded of them for the good reasons. Neptunia Riders Vs. Dogoos is yet another example of an unfunny, uninteresting, short and lazy spinoff that relies way too much on fanservice to mask how shallow it really is. I don’t get who this is for, and I really struggled to have any kind of fun with it.

Neptunia Riders Vs. Dogoos is available now on PS4, PS5, PC and Switch

Reviewed on PS5.

A copy of Neptunia Riders Vs. Dogoos was provided by the publisher.